


catch me, i'm falling for good

by whatiwroteinink



Series: the umbrella academy character studies [2]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Angst, Ben Hargreeves Deserves Better, Ben Hargreeves Needs A Hug, Character Study, Dialogue Heavy, Dialogue-Only, Ficlet, Mental Breakdown, Meta, also ben says fuck alot in this, i hate luther lmao, luther hargreeves hate fic, so sorry abt that, spoilers for the last episode btw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-26
Updated: 2019-04-26
Packaged: 2020-02-04 17:17:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18609013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whatiwroteinink/pseuds/whatiwroteinink
Summary: they all go back, ben comes back, and someone can finally catch him....alt title: let ben say fuck





	catch me, i'm falling for good

“Look, as much as you can all can forget everything I’ve done, I can’t! I’ve killed  _ so many  _ people! Fucking forget the apocalypse or whatever the fuck, I’ve killed more people than all of you combined!” Ben blinked back tears. He couldn’t cry in front of all of them. Just because he could still feel the blood on his hands doesn’t mean he could break now. 

“Ben, look, just calm down-” Luther said. 

“Calm down? Calm down!” Ben screamed. “First of all, we’re all fucking  _ twelve _ again and I literally just came back from the dead. How’s that for a scenario to make me calm?”

This time Alison spoke up: “Ben, all he’s trying to say is-”

“Is _what_? No, I wasn’t _fucking_ finished! I have spent so long watching you all from Klaus’s shoulder with none of you even believing I _existed_ , and I’ll be damned if I’m not allowed to speak!

“Well, start with Number One, right? Everything I’ve wanted to say to my biggest brother for the last seven years… First of all, stop being so high and mighty with your  _ ‘We need to come up with a plan’  _ bullshit. Because that’s what it is. It’s bullshit. You’ve never… you’ve never been so afraid of yourself. I’m terrified, every moment of every day, that I’ll hurt someone. And you’re over here trying to decide exactly who we should hurt. 

“You too, Five. At least you aren’t as much of a monumental  _ asshole _ as daddy’s boy over here, but you spent the entire week leading up to the apocalypse deciding who to kill. I’ve been dead. And I’ve killed. I’ve killed so many.  _ There’s more guys in the vault, Ben. _ Well, fuck off. I was a kid. We were all kids.

“So maybe it’s Dad’s fault that we’re all so fucked up. But I refuse to just let it go. I finally have a voice back. The only…” at this point, Ben began to cry. He couldn’t hold the tears back any longer. 

“The only ones of you…” he choked, “to  _ ever _ pay attention to how I was feeling were Klaus and Vanya. Because Dad traumatized them as much as he did me. The rest of you can  kindly take your pride and shove it up your asses.

“And Luther? I’m not listening to a word you say again. You know how that went last time.”

With this, Ben fell backwards, dissolving into tears. Before he slipped into an exhausted sleep, he registered how nice it was that someone could catch him.

**Author's Note:**

> sksksksksk it was a wild ride boys. comment and kudos and follow me on tumblr @and-its-only-us and @what-i-wrote-in-ink ! feel free to yell in the comments i'll cry abt it for days.


End file.
